Friday, September 11, 2020
Memories of David
I viewed David’s service along with all of you today and have been thinking a great deal about him this afternoon. Since we couldn't all be together as a family, I wanted to share some of the thoughts that crossed my mind following the service.
Although as children, we loved all the Weiner boys, Sharon, Sandy and I always looked forward to the times we would get to see David. Sorry guys, but at that time in our lives, David was our favorite cousin. When we were children and adolescents together, there was always something about David that we were drawn to. For me, it was always his infectious smile, his laugh, his innocence, his creativity, his artistry and his gentle spirit. There are so many times where I would remember us laughing together and enjoying the simple, fun and loving times when we got to be together before life became more complicated.
When David had his first break in college, I remember the turmoil, the fear and the uncertainty. David and I were so close in age that, at that time, I had little understanding of mental illness and what it ultimately might mean for him and the family.
Early on in our marriage, Peggy and I would always enjoy including David and I know that she felt a special connection with him as well. He had a fondness for Peggy, Lily and Ben and was always great about asking about them and their lives. They, too, enjoyed David during the times he would join us for family events. David also had a special place in his heart for my parents and, even during his more difficult times, he would try to make an effort to join us for social events so that he could spend time with them, which Al and Claire always looked forward to.
Despite how his illness caused portions of his brain to deteriorate and, at times to drop back into psychosis or impulsive language or behavior, the truest part of his soul was ever present. When I think about mental illness, I think that one never looses one’s true essence. However, the illness, whether transient or permanent, can impair the expression of one’s true self. His kindness, compassion, gentleness and willingness to help was something that still shone through, despite the ravages of his illness.
Because I was a psychiatrist and I, myself had been through bouts of severe depression that David knew about, he felt comfortable reaching out to me on several occasions to talk about different types of help that might be available to him. He was painfully aware of the social awkwardness and anxiety that were part and parcel of his schizophrenia. Even though he struggled with following through putting himself into new situations, there was always a part of him that wanted to try, and I admired that in him. Despite his limitations, he managed to make a beautiful home for himself, would enjoy swimming and I will always remember walking through the hospital seeing him working in the gift shop. He did a great job, and I loved the sweet relationships that he had with the women who worked with him.
However, what I remember the most about the last ten years is what a devoted son he was to Diana. After Norm’s passing, the two of them, (most of the time!), had a mutually supportive and loving relationship. He was always there for her when she needed something and, as Eric so beautifully described in his eulogy, Diana provided David with so much love and support, which I know deeply enriched his life and gave his life meaning. I was so sorry that David passed before his time, but I also felt a sense of compassion and relief for him. I think I understand how the depth of his illness and his internal sense of pain and isolation got to be too much to continue to live. I also knew there were distressing medical concerns that were plaguing his mind before he passed. He clearly wanted peace from it all and I truly wish that, no matter how difficult his loss has been for all of us, that he has now found that peace for himself.. It warmed my heart to learn during the service today that he had donated his savings to so many meaningful charities. He left a wonderful legacy and it speaks so strongly to who he was and what he believed.
I also want to give a special shout out to not only to Diana but to Carol and Rachel as well. Although all of his in laws, nieces and nephews were important to him, the two of you were here in Denver and included David in so many things. Carol, you were amazing in the way that you reached out to all of us at the time of his passing and for all the years of friendship and support that you shared with him. You have always been a rock in our family…from jumping in to give my Dad CPR to being so helpful with Norman and now, with helping in all the ways that you have with David. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!
All my love to family and friends as we remember him.
Neil